A New Beginning

By Angelle Baligod

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It has been a while.

Wait no, it is not just “a while”.

it has been too long.

It has been too long since she saw her sun.

It has been too long since she felt his warmth.

It has been too long since she felt his warm breath on her skin,

pulling her closer to comfort within.

It has been too long since she saw his light,

Guiding her through battles like a knight.

It has been too long since she saw his smile,

Preventing her from being in exile.

Oh, to be embraced by the scent she yearned.

The scents that merely exist in his presence.

The scent that keeps her grounded through it all.

The scent of comfort.

The scent of peace.

The scent of home.

The scent of home where she knew she belongs to.

Home where she knew she desperately craves for,

To be loved.

To be cherished.

To be appreciated.

To be able to grow.

Home where she can finally be free.

Home where she can finally live in pure bliss,

With no doubts.

With no fear.

With no hindrance of blossoming with elegance

But all these seem like an ocean away from her,

With no ship to get her across

Nor a lighthouse to guide her through the waves,

Nor a shiny sword to keep her brave.

The world is cruel.

The world is cruel to her.

While others are blooming with grace,

She has a sun to chase.

While others are nurtured by the rays of his warmth,

She needs to protect herself – to be warned.

She needs to stay through the fierce, wind-driven rain.

She needs to stay while others attempt to run off with her reign.

All the while,

Lightning slashed.

Thunders struck.

Everything around her lost its original hue.

The once full of yellow garden,

Turned blue.

All of a sudden,

the once alluring bed of wildflowers,

even the greatest artist in the world

will fail to draw its soulless field of beauty.

The once beautiful garden of life

Turned to a grave of lost souls.

In a blink of an eye,

there she lies.

She lies on the cold ground,

Clowned,

Bound,

Drowned.

Drowned in misery,

Drowned in sorrow,

Hoping for a new tomorrow.

But how will tomorrow be possible,

If even the smallest probability of seeing the sun trembles?

But how will tomorrow be certain,

If the haunted past of hers remain?

But you shall not worry.

You shall not doubt.

The most distressing thunderstorm is not distressing enough for her.

She’s biennial.

In a blink of an eye, her revival comes.

In a blink of an eye, her beauty will once again leave you in awe.

Gone were the years she had to suffer on her own.

Gone were the years she had to survive on her own.

Gone were the years she had to cry for comfort.

Gone were the years she had to cry for peace.

Gone were the years she had to cry for home.

A fresh beginning.

A fresh beginning where she could have it all.

A fresh beginning where she could be loved.

Be cherished.

Be appreciated.

Be able to grow.

A fresh beginning where she could finally be free.

Where she could finally live-in pure bliss.

With no doubts,

with no fear.

A fresh beginning where she can finally bloom with grace,

Without having a sun to chase.

Where she can finally be nurtured by his warmth,

Without having to be warned.

A fresh beginning that she, and only she, started.

Self-seeding.

After accepting her fate,

She created a life she can narrate.

A life where no lightning occurs.

A life where no thunders strike.

A life where no thunderstorm will ever hinder her.

She has accepted her fate,

She has learned how to correlate.

It has been a while since I saw her shine.

Under the dancing clouds of blue sky.

It has been a while since I saw her smile,

While the birds sing and fly.

With each footstep I take,

Reminds me of each moment of heartbreak.

With each breath I make,

Reminds me of the scent of unending ache.

But upon seeing her,

Everything around me fades.

Out of all the beauty in this field,

Only her eyes give me hope.

Her beauty alone gives me comfort.

Her beauty alone gives me peace.

Her beauty alone gives me home.

My dear black-eyed Susan,

You are an epitome of beauty.

You are an epitome of strength.

You are an epitome of this tragic, beautiful life.

You give me hope.

You prove to me that life does not end the moment we fall.

You made me believe that we do not live once.

We live every day.

Every day, we get a chance.

No matter what circumstance,

No matter what our stance.

No matter where we glance.

Every day, we have a choice.

Every day, we have a voice.

Unlike other flowers that depend on others to be replanted,

You, my dear black-eyed Susan, can do it on your own.

You rise on the same place you fall.

You relive on the same place you die.

You leave pieces of yourselves before you give up,

To have something to hold onto once you grow back alive.

You, my dear Susan, give me strength.

I do not fear to fall.

I do not fear to stand on my own,

To have a new beginning,

To make myself known.

You, my dear black-eyed Susan,

You turn blue to yellow.

You give my darkness glow,

That even the stars above cannot outshine.

With you in sight, I do not have to worry about seeing the sun.

I do not have to worry about feeling his warmth.

I do not have to worry about feeling his comforting breath on my skin.

With you in sight,

The ocean seems like a few seconds away.

I do not need a lighthouse to guide me through the waves,

When your black eyes alone guide me through my path.

My dear black-eyed Susan,

You are an epitome of beauty.

You are an epitome of strength.

You are an epitome of this tragic, beautiful life

It has been a while since I had seen your smile, but now I know why.